Friday, 20 July 2012


Dear Jellybean,

You've been on my mind more than usual lately. I don't know why. Maybe it's the warmer weather, the approaching wedding season or any of a billion other reasons. After the letter I wrote you last week, one of my friends made a very good observation (I know it was an exceptional observation since even I didn't pick up on it until now). She wondered why the majority of my letters were about you: what I'm looking for in you, where I think we'll meet, who I think you'll be, what I think my life will be like with you. That's all well and good, naturally, but then she asked why I never touched on what I'd bring to our lifetime love affair.

What would I have to offer you?

I needed to hear that question. Maybe I've been trying to avoid it, trying to neatly tuck it away in my subconscious. Maybe, worse, it never even registered on my radar. As I've said before, I often wonder if my sometimes overzealous self-esteem is just a front for my deep insecurities; almost as if I'm trying to convince myself that that I have a right to have a least a shred of self-esteem and self-confidence.

Oh, shoot. Look at me now...I'm further trying to dodge the question. Okay. Okay. So what can I give you that you were desperately living without before you met me?

I'm a nice girl (damn, I sound like Marcia Brady).

I'm a bit quirky, a little awkward, a lot left-of-center.

I frankly don't give a damn what other people think - and, as I'm sure you'll find out, sometimes I won't even care what you think (get ready, honey!)

I'm incredibly funny and charming. I don't have that filter between brain and mouth, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. That would explain why you just couldn't resist my allure when we met. It's not my fault I'm so damn fetching.

But, really, though, I suppose at the heart of things I can promise that I'm going to love you more than anyone you could ever imagine. When I love someone, I LOVE them (and no, that is not meant in a stalker, you-are-mine-forever way). It just means I can promise you that I'll always love you for who you are - for your heart, your soul, for the person you are. That's probably why we fell in love in the first place - because you were the first guy ever to give me that in return. And that's the most special, most incredible gift you could ever give and receive, isn't it?

Just know that you're a very lucky man, sir.

Until we meet...


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