#13

Dear Jellybean,

It's come to my attention that, sometimes, I can be an intimidating force -- like a force field of wind or hurricane not to be reckoned with. I do have a soft, gooey center, I promise, but I do admit that my concrete-like exterior has served as a buffer - a protective shield, if you will.

Was I really reserved and shy when we met? Did you fall in love with me right away, and was I practically oblivious to it? I'm sorry if I was. For so long, I figured that it would protect me from getting hurt - if I couldn't let anyone in, I wouldn't get hurt, right? WRONG. I got hurt, but not from other people who stomped on my heart and pureed it in the blender. No, no. My wounds, it turned, ended up being self-inflicted. I had been hurting myself for far too long, probably longer than I'd ever have let any stupid guy hurt me. I think I'm going to be struggling in this department always.

So slowly, but surely, I suppose I'm (at least) trying - trying to be open, trying to reach out, trying to stomp the shell I've been in instead of continuing to stomp on my own heart, which is, as you know, a beautiful, precious heart.

In the spirit of that, I feel it only fair to give you the home-court advantage (and no, I don't mean it in a kinky way, either; do we need to go over my prude rules again?). Here are some ways to begin to work your way into my heart....Here's the 411on how to approach me. You just might discover I'm not that intimidating after all; heck, I don't even bite...usually.

Eye-Contact Communication
This is numbero uno for me. as I said yesterday, the eyes are the windows to a person's soul, and there's nothing I like more than "eyeing" a guy from across the room. It's that sense of innocent, yet seduction flirtation that I like. NOTE: Guys, if you look me directly in the eyes when you speak to me (which you should anyway) and my reply is a bunch of mumbling nonsensical words and awkward hand gestures, I'm probably in love with you...or at least pretty close to it.

Smile
I can be shy at first, so a strong and confident smile is the key to putting me swiftly at ease. If I smile at you, don't get scared and think it's some sort of twitch from my disability. It means I really, really like you.

Break The Ice With Laughter
They say laughter is the best medicine for a very good reason, and it's especially true in the love game, I've found. I love a guy who can make me laugh, one of those spontaneous, genuine laughs are the best. For example, Young Guns last week just made my day when he showed me how he'd learned to juggle with Play-Doh. It's simple, yes, but it left me smiling the whole day. He was a mighty fine juggler too, I might add.

Just Talk To Me
Did you see this one coming? It seems so easy, doesn't it? Just come up to me and say "Hi..." Then I'll say "Hi..." and before you know it, we're picking out names for our children. Oh, wait, maybe that topic will scare you off again.....

xoxo,
Vi